As summer draws to a close, I recently realized that I
haven’t blogged for quite a while.
It’s been a busy two months, with our daughter and her new husband
returning to live in Calgary from Nairobi, Kenya….my sister’s beautiful wedding….and
personally, embarking on a new project as editor of a Faith and Arts Journal
called Kolbe Times. Another big highlight of the summer was that our youngest
son got his first real job. He is 20 years old, and you might wonder what took
him so long. Peter is a special guy in many ways. He has a number of
neurological disorders, including Tourette Syndrome and Asperger’s
Syndrome. He’s bright, and funny,
and kind – but he also has challenges with social situations, with anxiety and
with “tics”, the hallmark of Tourette’s.
So when he finally felt confidant enough to apply for a job in a little
video game store near our home – and when he got the job! – we were all
ecstatic. It’s going really well.
But because he has to “hold in” his tics while he’s at work,
he often comes home exhausted and needing a break. Talking is difficult at these times, because the minute he opens
his mouth he gets flooded with “vocal tics” – in his case a barking sound that
he can’t stop – which makes communication impossible. So he and I have started “talking” in other ways – hand
signals, big hugs, smiles, texting each other on our phones (even when we’re in
the same room), and little post-it notes.
It’s bizarre, but living life with a special-needs offspring is often
bizarre, as many parents will tell you.
The whole experience has challenged me to express myself in
smaller and smaller sound bites.
When you are used to expressing yourself freely and copiously, it’s
difficult to put a lid on it when you have something interesting to say. Or even when you have something
not-so-interesting to say. But
it’s been a very good exercise in “small is beautiful” – and learning to become
friends with silence.
I think the biggest thing I’ve learned from this is that we
all talk too much. We too often
feel the need to give unwanted advice, suggestions and opinions. We too often feel the need to have the
last word, or to share unnecessary information (also known as gossip), or to
brag about something, or to justify our behaviour, or to show our cleverness with a sarcastic remark. Too often, words take the place of actions that would do
a better job of encouraging and supporting our loved ones. Too often words are
all about us getting our own way, instead of just quietly letting things unfold
as they should. Too often our words drown out the words of others, and drown
out the flow of God’s love and guidance.
Richard Rohr shares some good insights about silence in his
book Contemplation in Action:
“One good thing that silence and waiting has taught me is
that our lives are always usable by God. We need not always be effective, but
only transparent and vulnerable. Then we are instruments, no matter what we do.
Silence is the ability to trust that God is acting, teaching and using me –
even before I perform, or after my seeming failures. Silence is the necessary
space around things that allows them to develop and flourish without my
pushing.”
As my son would say, “Shhhh…”
